First u have to pick and choose your fights carefully.. hes a man, and men like to atleast be made to believe that they are in control some of the time so they dont feel like they are stripped of their masculinity.. so if its a fight u can let go of, not that big of a deal , let him win one for a change.. You do need to stop being so hateful when u fight.. it only hurts yourself, your huband and makes a wedge in your marriage because although said in anger, they can scar a person and last for along time.. forgiven but not forgotten and lead to insecurties or resentment.. When u love someone u dont ';want'; to go out of your way to hurt them.. Your suppose to feel their pain, so why would u want to hurt someone u love so badly.. u dont treat strangers this badly so why would u do this to someone u love?? U need to stop the fight if u feel yourself getting out of control.. shut down for alittle while untill u can discuss the matter calmly.. I know its hard at times.. but if u really want to curb this problem u need to.. U could try writing your feelings down when your angry about something.. sometimes it helps me do the initial venting before actually getting into an arguement with my husband.. My husband and i have been together for 4 years come October, and we've never said anything in an arguement that we cant take back.. we learned that from our previous marriages how damaging that can be.. do we argue Yep sure do.. but we are never hateful when we argue and we never argue infront of the children.. You control your mind and your body, if u want to stop u will stop.. but its up to u ..I need advice on productively fighting with my husband!, and how to not be so hurtful and angry!?
Your making a very messy bed. Words penetrate deeply and eventually get lost in the painting of a picture. Look at your man and decide if you want to kill him or love him. If love...then make sure you take away the cruel things you have said and pack him a lunch of messages that empower him. He may die suddenly tomorrow. If you continue to torture his heart he may eventually change accordingly and you will really begin to hate him for what he becomes through what you have invested in him. Please be gentle I served 10yrs in prison to learn the value of affirmations. Email me if you think i can help, or if you just wanna talk.
Obviously a fight includes hurting each other. So maybe you are both unfair. I think you two should talk calmly about it and avoid fighting so much. And when that happens, try to think twice before you say hurtful things to him. If you show him love, he will probably calm down and realise he was being unfair to you as well.
Before you say anything, take 5 deep breaths.
Ask yourself: Is it more important that I'm right, or that we're at peace?
You need to remember that your spouse is not the enemy. The argument is an argument and nothing more. To let it get to name calling will be the down fall of the marriage. Stick to the issues and try not to stray !!!
I had the same problem and I know exactly where you're coming from. It will take time, but your first step is to take a DEEP BREATH and think about what you say BEFORE you say it. Try to get your husband to take a DEEP BREATH with you so you can both gain your composure. I know that it's hard to hold back your true feelings in a heated argument. Chances are if you both relax you can talk about your concerns rather than fighting. Think about how much you love him and how you felt when you said, ';I do.'; That helps me too. I know it's hard to feel like he's defeating you if you don't yell, curse, and say hateful things. Trust me. You keep the love alive by remaining respectful to each other evern when you're angry. One last thing: give a sincere APOLOGY if you've hurt his feelings. It's OK to admit fault!
see a counselor for all of those hidden feelings
It's hard I tell you, but you have to stop and really listen to what your spouse is saying - stop thinking of what to lash back with while they are talking to you. Just listen - then acknowledge it by repeating it back to them of what they have just said to you that will help keep it under control from both of you running off at the mouth and hurting each other. Take it as a conversation and communication - keep your voice soft like your really listening to what the other is saying. This helps greatly.
You need to have control over yourself...I know thats easy to say now but when you are arguing just think of what you are saying. Leave the room go outside do anything but do try to take it easy on him...If it's bad enough get into anger management classes
Counselling!!!
If you want to point out something to him, do not be accusing, do not point out his bad points (if they really are bad...or is it just your way of hurting him). Tell him what you like about him, and if you need to point out something you do not like, say things like - 'I do not agree, I see it like this...etc
Change the verbage you use. Instead of saying what he doesn't do try telling him what you need to make your life better. When you find yourself really angry and out of control tell him you need to back off for a few minutes and leave the room until you calm down. You may not be able to come back to the discussion until the next day, but that's ok. Don't keep going over what happened last year because nothing is going to change what happened last year.....keep it in the present. When you finally get to the point where you both can calming have a discussion every so often stop and repeat what you think the other person said. You'd be surprised at what a person says and what the other person hears. And remember it's not so much what you say it's how you say it.
its hard to control emotions, best advice i can give is realize who you are hurting and take a step back before say anything that will hurt someone you care about
when u get angry you MUST sit down and stop talking and thinking about this issue. that's the one of the best way to calm down.
