Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I need advice on productively fighting with my husband!, and how to not be so hurtful and angry!?

When we fight I tend to get very defensive and angry, I also tend to point all the blame at him, as my feelings are hurt. I realize this is not fair as he gets hurt to! How do I stop and accept my share of the fight? Also I tend to say very mean and hurtful things without thinking about it, and get VERY angry! How can I stop the comments and curb my temper?I need advice on productively fighting with my husband!, and how to not be so hurtful and angry!?
First u have to pick and choose your fights carefully.. hes a man, and men like to atleast be made to believe that they are in control some of the time so they dont feel like they are stripped of their masculinity.. so if its a fight u can let go of, not that big of a deal , let him win one for a change.. You do need to stop being so hateful when u fight.. it only hurts yourself, your huband and makes a wedge in your marriage because although said in anger, they can scar a person and last for along time.. forgiven but not forgotten and lead to insecurties or resentment.. When u love someone u dont ';want'; to go out of your way to hurt them.. Your suppose to feel their pain, so why would u want to hurt someone u love so badly.. u dont treat strangers this badly so why would u do this to someone u love?? U need to stop the fight if u feel yourself getting out of control.. shut down for alittle while untill u can discuss the matter calmly.. I know its hard at times.. but if u really want to curb this problem u need to.. U could try writing your feelings down when your angry about something.. sometimes it helps me do the initial venting before actually getting into an arguement with my husband.. My husband and i have been together for 4 years come October, and we've never said anything in an arguement that we cant take back.. we learned that from our previous marriages how damaging that can be.. do we argue Yep sure do.. but we are never hateful when we argue and we never argue infront of the children.. You control your mind and your body, if u want to stop u will stop.. but its up to u ..I need advice on productively fighting with my husband!, and how to not be so hurtful and angry!?
Your making a very messy bed. Words penetrate deeply and eventually get lost in the painting of a picture. Look at your man and decide if you want to kill him or love him. If love...then make sure you take away the cruel things you have said and pack him a lunch of messages that empower him. He may die suddenly tomorrow. If you continue to torture his heart he may eventually change accordingly and you will really begin to hate him for what he becomes through what you have invested in him. Please be gentle I served 10yrs in prison to learn the value of affirmations. Email me if you think i can help, or if you just wanna talk.
Obviously a fight includes hurting each other. So maybe you are both unfair. I think you two should talk calmly about it and avoid fighting so much. And when that happens, try to think twice before you say hurtful things to him. If you show him love, he will probably calm down and realise he was being unfair to you as well.
Before you say anything, take 5 deep breaths.


Ask yourself: Is it more important that I'm right, or that we're at peace?
You need to remember that your spouse is not the enemy. The argument is an argument and nothing more. To let it get to name calling will be the down fall of the marriage. Stick to the issues and try not to stray !!!
I had the same problem and I know exactly where you're coming from. It will take time, but your first step is to take a DEEP BREATH and think about what you say BEFORE you say it. Try to get your husband to take a DEEP BREATH with you so you can both gain your composure. I know that it's hard to hold back your true feelings in a heated argument. Chances are if you both relax you can talk about your concerns rather than fighting. Think about how much you love him and how you felt when you said, ';I do.'; That helps me too. I know it's hard to feel like he's defeating you if you don't yell, curse, and say hateful things. Trust me. You keep the love alive by remaining respectful to each other evern when you're angry. One last thing: give a sincere APOLOGY if you've hurt his feelings. It's OK to admit fault!
see a counselor for all of those hidden feelings
It's hard I tell you, but you have to stop and really listen to what your spouse is saying - stop thinking of what to lash back with while they are talking to you. Just listen - then acknowledge it by repeating it back to them of what they have just said to you that will help keep it under control from both of you running off at the mouth and hurting each other. Take it as a conversation and communication - keep your voice soft like your really listening to what the other is saying. This helps greatly.
You need to have control over yourself...I know thats easy to say now but when you are arguing just think of what you are saying. Leave the room go outside do anything but do try to take it easy on him...If it's bad enough get into anger management classes
Counselling!!!


If you want to point out something to him, do not be accusing, do not point out his bad points (if they really are bad...or is it just your way of hurting him). Tell him what you like about him, and if you need to point out something you do not like, say things like - 'I do not agree, I see it like this...etc
Change the verbage you use. Instead of saying what he doesn't do try telling him what you need to make your life better. When you find yourself really angry and out of control tell him you need to back off for a few minutes and leave the room until you calm down. You may not be able to come back to the discussion until the next day, but that's ok. Don't keep going over what happened last year because nothing is going to change what happened last year.....keep it in the present. When you finally get to the point where you both can calming have a discussion every so often stop and repeat what you think the other person said. You'd be surprised at what a person says and what the other person hears. And remember it's not so much what you say it's how you say it.
its hard to control emotions, best advice i can give is realize who you are hurting and take a step back before say anything that will hurt someone you care about
when u get angry you MUST sit down and stop talking and thinking about this issue. that's the one of the best way to calm down.
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  • I've tried to get rid of ie7 to replace it with ie6 and I can't. Any advice would be appreciated.?

    You dont want to do that. IE6 is very vulnerable to viruses, where IE7 isnt as vulnerable.I've tried to get rid of ie7 to replace it with ie6 and I can't. Any advice would be appreciated.?
    Open up the control panel, double click on ';add/remove programs.'; Now look for Internet Explorer 7 in the list. Click on it. Click on uninstall. It should automatically restore IE 6.





    BEWARE: if your system is set to auto update, it might just try to automatically upgrade IE 6 again. In which case you will need to reset your update settings to tell it to ignore the update for IE7.





    You do this by going back to your control panel and double clicking on ';System.'; Click on the ';Automatic Updates'; tab, then choosing the setting that says ';Download updates for me but let me choose when to install them.'; This way when there is an update to install, it will download it then tell you it is ready. You can then click the advanced option to see what it is, and choose to ignore it.





    Alternately, you can just choose the option to turn off automatic updates, and do it manually every now and thenI've tried to get rid of ie7 to replace it with ie6 and I can't. Any advice would be appreciated.?
    To revert back to IE-6, use your add / remove programs in control panel, just be sure that ';Show Updates'; is checked up at the top. That's all there is to it!

    Need gift advice. Any grandparents-to-be here?

    I am busy manufacturing a first grandchild, and my father's birthday is coming up.





    It occurred to me that it might be nice to get him something of use for grandfathering.





    But, what?





    Probably not great to get something that screams ';We're really looking forward to the free babysitting,'; yes.





    In his non-grandfather role, he's a math prof who likes to garden, if that helps. My mother is a photography buff with all the equipment, so that's out, at least beyond a nice picture frame.





    We don't know the gender; the baby won't actually show up until summer. (Which, I have to point out, did not stop my family from getting me almost naught but baby-related gifts for _my_ birthday a few weeks ago...)





    Any ideas beyond a nice picture frame? I am not completely adverse to things that'll be useful when sitting; they do live nearby and will undoubtedly sit, so to speak, but something overtly practical seems like a bad idea.Need gift advice. Any grandparents-to-be here?
    Get him a Personalized Jigsaw Puzzle made of all your own family photos like this http://www.giftweblog.com/2006/08/24/per鈥?/a>Need gift advice. Any grandparents-to-be here?
    Perhaps your father might enjoy a grandfather figurine. Both Willow Tree and Precious Moments make nice figurines for reasonable prices.
    Okay, I have 3 ideas:





    (1) Baby Einstein makes math flash cards and I think your father might appreciate those for his one on one study sessions with his new grand baby.





    (2) Your parents might love a gift certificate to shutterfly.com to have prints of photos made - it's a great site and they offer everything from black %26amp; white to prints on canvas, so your mom could get really creative with shutterfly. Go look at their site: it's free, the allow you to store TONS of images, very reasonably priced and excellent customer service.





    (3) There is the option of having a 3D/4D ultrasound done. They are perfectly safe for you and the baby. Most companies that offer them give you black %26amp; white images, color images and a 20 to 30 minute DVD. Although that's not anything that will assist them in caring for your baby when he/she arrive, it's an awesome gift, after all it's their FIRST grandbaby!!


    Look here: http://www.1800sonogram.com/?gclid=CIfKw鈥?/a>





    Best of luck to you and your new baby! You're going to have a blast!
    He can always use some new gadget for gardening. And there plenty of them out there. Don't make his day about your up coming birth.There will be time enough to get into the Grandpa things.
    His birthday is not about your child. I am sure that they are thrilled about the baby but the day is completly about him.





    Maybe you should take him out on a private father daughter date, that way you can get to spend some one on one time before the baby gets here and theres no time to do it.
    you could get your dad and the baby a matching set of gardening tools in a little basket, you can get small gardening gloves, and little tools and get your dad the exact same tools, just bigger, even if he has them already it would be a cute idea... congrats on the new little one!

    Is a Secretary qualified to give medical advice?

    Who thinks that a secretary that has been working in a vets office for 5 years(a position requiring no veterinary studies), is qualified to be giving medical advice, on complex surgeries such as declawing of cats?


    I have even sent her information on the cruelty of this procedure, but she thinks her opinion is more valuable than the information backed up by multiple animal rights groups, Humane societies, and many countries, and places in California who have banned the procedure? She believes its as routine a procedure as a simple neuter or spay?


    Please post your opinion on if you think she is qualified? and why or why not?Is a Secretary qualified to give medical advice?
    All I can answer is the ethical, implied question.


    Although ANYONE on yahoo answers can give advice without qualification, and ANYONE can claim to be what they are not, in a professional vet office a Secretary is not qualified to give medical advice. A secretary is qualified to take a question from a client, tell it to the vet and relay the vet's answer back. That's it.


    Why? There are laws against 'practicing medicine without a license' and liability laws that affect hospitals (not yahoo answers) and for a non-qualified person to give advice puts the doctors at risk for lawsuits....they hate that.





    But about the ethics of declaws- educate, educate, educate. It's all any of us can really do right now, except refuse to participate in them, and lobby for different animal cruelty standards.Is a Secretary qualified to give medical advice?
    Declawing a cat is just a horrible thing to do to an animal. The vet that I take my cats and dog to will not declaw an animal. it is inhumane and horrible.





    Regardless.....a secretary at a vet clinic is not qualified to be giving advice like that. BUT......here I am giving my opinion on Yahoo Answers about a bunch of different topics that I'm not qualified for either.





    So....her opinion is her opinion....its just sad that some people may take her advice and unknowingly be that cruel to their cat or cats.





    This is a good example of why getting someone's opinion on here does NOT mean you shouldn't have a conversation with a professional.
    The surgery is acually as routine as a spay or neuter and as far as being qualified to answer questions and give advice I think that if she works there she probably knows somethings not just how to file and answer the phone. Declawing cats is a regular proceedure and very common in alot of states and can be very beneficail to the cats owner. I feel it is the owners choice and that if someone asks someone a question and they wanted a profesional opinion than they should ask the pro. Would you ask your receptionist at your doctors for medical advice? And do you feel they are qualified?
    Some consider teh procedure inhumane, others continue to do it because it is not illegal.





    Whether she is qualified to give you an opinion is irrelevant. If the office wants to declaw, it is its legal right to do so.





    Peta has degraded its reputation to the point where using it as a source of reference won't take you far anyway.
    Probably not. I'd trust the vet.
    NOPE.





    you can give it only if you agree to be held accountable in case of misdiagnosis or death or severe disability.
    I'm sure that some of the information the vet knows does spill out on to the secretaries. However, although it might be okay for giving her own friends some advice, or as a bit of help, she should not feel the information she gives is as legitimate as the vet's advice. Since she does not have the medical background, she is not really qualified to give advice to clients. In addition, if she does give advice and the person takes it, and it leads to more medical problems for the animal, she (or maybe even the vet) could end up in legal trouble.





    Sometimes, when I have had trouble with my teeth, I've asked my aunt (who is a secretary for a dentist) for some advice. Of course, I don't completely assume that what she says is the only possibility, and I still go to my dentist. I don't believe my aunt gives out information to the patients, though.





    If this secretary insists upon doing this, she should at the very least tell the clients that they should still check with the vet for a more in-depth and educated assessment.
    a vet tech can, if she's just a secretary I don't think so.


    that worries me, she might of talked people into declawing. people thinking she works in a vet office she must know better. I'd tell the vet she telling people to get their cats declawed, and if he agrees with her, it's time or a new vet. some people are so stubborn(including me)that they won't listen to the other side of an argument. and I hate people who won't listen to the other side of declawing. she probably saw the information and threw it out.


    punch her for me
    A secretary at a vet's office is more qualifed than I to give advice, but less qualified than a vet tech, or a veternarian. ';De-clawing'; is a personal choice between the owner and the vet they choose. I can understand you plee to help more ppl hear how ';De-clawing'; can be cruel; and it's good that animals have a voice like yours. I would imagine that this secretary is backed by vet techs %26amp; veternarians; if not, she could be fired.





    Spell check isn't working ... sorry 4 mis-spells.
    no
    no
    Yeah, I'd say she's qualified. She's been there for 5 years, constantly dealing with questions from people. In the past, if she didn't know the answer, I'm sure she'd ask the vet. I doubt she would give advice without knowing anything, she wouldn't want to get burned for it later. Getting cats declawed is so routine so I don't see the big deal.
    It just goes to show that you need to be very careful about whose advise you take, because, unfortunately, I've seen incorrect information chosen as best answer. Some people need to to do as much research as you did before just blindly believing what idiots have to say.


    Anyway, anyone is qualified to give advise. We just have to consider the sourse when we make decisions.





    Just one thing about declawing BTW. Which is better? Getting rid of the cat or getting rid of the claws? For some people it's the only way they'll keep a cat.


    In my opinion it's better to declaw it than take it to a shelter. Only after all training methods fail, of course.
    I love how you're putting words in my mouth and not telling these people what YOU'VE said %26amp; done. You forgot to mention that it was YOU who emailed me saying things like I'm a ';stupid, ignorant fool';, accusing me of not really working at a vet clinic, and insulting all of my co-workers. Guess what genius, that's attacking me personally (not to mention my co-workers that you don't even know or have had any encounters with) so before you start boo-hooing that all I'm doing is attacking you personally maybe you should think before you speak and not be a hypocrite. All that bs you wrote is in the email you sent me. The email that you sent without any provocation. That's right everyone. SHE started emailing me first and has sent message after message because she just can't deal with the fact that someone else has a different opinion that her. Want me to post the email so all of these people can see what kind of a person you really are? Stop trying to play the victim. I never claimed to be an expert, a vet, or a surgeon. Some other girl (as in NOT YOU) asked the question how old cats had to be to get fixed %26amp; declawed and how I answered was with the recommended age most veterinarians give. I didn't go into detail about how the surgery is done or tell her ';you'd better get those cats declawed.'; She asked a question and since I know the answer I gave it. And all of your other little ';examples'; you included in your question are the same answers that many other people posted to the same question I did yet I don't see you going having a hissy fit about them. Is it because I'm not backing down from you and you're so used to getting your way? Try using the things I write in the context they were intended instead of cutting and pasting to make these people think what you want. Grow up. Just because you OWN a cat doesn't make you an expert. And if you want to count years of owning cats as experience then you loose because I've owned cats for 26 years. Yes, I am a receptionist but unlike you I have the ability to learn and ask questions about the job I'll be performing and what goes on in all aspects of the job. And guess what honey, I do double duty as a receptionist and a vet tech. You just keep going around and insulting people who have a different opinion than you and REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE with the matter in question since that seems to be the only thing you are capable of. Next time you call your doctor's office you'd better be sure you talk to the doctor directly because no one who is employed at a medical facility and trained to do that job knows what they are talking about. So by your reasoning you don't think nurses or admittance staff know ANYthing about the job they do, only the doctor knows anything about medicine. I'd love to see how many people agree with that. You know what? You're right, not everyone who thinks about declawing their cat should do it. That's something that a doctor would have to advise them on, and Soft Paws is a great alternative to declawing. But how old the cat needs to be to get declawed is common knowledge to people who work in the veterinary field. Where did you go to vet school? Which vet clinic have you worked at? Oh that's right, you're not a vet nor have you ever worked for one so exactly how do you have so much first hand info on the matter? So before you start getting your panties in a bunch because I answered someone's question with the info she was looking for instead of insulting her and making her feel like crap for asking remember, that's not what people are looking for when they ask a question on here. You gave your answer, I gave mine. Be mature about it, stop sending me emails and posting asinine comments on my open questions, and move on!





    By the way, I love your addition quoting me from an email I sent you. Too bad you neglected to mention that you first accused me of a) not knowing what declawing a cat was and b) that I've never seen it done. So how exactly is my disproving your accusations against me and pointing out than anyone hired for a job is trained to do that job ';a malpractice suit waiting to happen';? Those are just facts that I stated in response to your silly accusations. I have seen the surgery done, in fact I've seen it done several times. And yes, people get trained to do jobs. Maybe if you had one you'd know that. Oh, and since you want to be childish about everything I'll stoop to your level this once and let you know that you might want to figure out where your spell check button is. I'm so sorry that I misspelled a word, did it throw you off when you were putting the letters together? You're emails, and answers you've given to other people's questions, are littered with misspellings and incorrect grammar.
    if it is the vet secretary then yeah i think they work w/ animals all day w/or w/o training. if they dont know they normally ask the vet and know things from working in the field. i have trusted my vets recetionist on several occations.


    however on something like declawing a cat which by the way is unhumane then no dont listen to the crazy lady. for that matter any surgical procedures she is after all not a vet. but w/ general questions like what flea medicine or the best dog food on the market, or even how can you tell if... questions.
    I think you have differing opinions. Give it up.
    I don't think she is because after all you don't need any veterinary qualifications to answer phones!

    Looking for advice for a good day hike near pheonix. I,ll be visiting family in january. im from ohio?

    i want to see the desert terrain something in the 5 - 10 mile range moderate difficultyLooking for advice for a good day hike near pheonix. I,ll be visiting family in january. im from ohio?
    Dreamy Draw Recreation Area - great views of the desert! It is a popular hiking, jogging %26amp; mountain biking area. It's a moderate hike, but there is no water along the trails, so take plenty of water, even though it's not hot in January in Phoenix. There are 2 or 3 marked trails. You will likely find many people on the weekends around the picnic areas, but once you venture off onto a trail for a mile or two, you won't run into as many people.





    I have provided a link to it below.Looking for advice for a good day hike near pheonix. I,ll be visiting family in january. im from ohio?
    I recommend squaw peak, take the 51 freeway and exit Lincoln/Glendale and head east a few miles down you'll see the squaw peak pkwy on the left.
    The White Tank Mountains have some nice hikes, and not very far from Phx.


    like a 20- 25 mi. drive.


    I wish I could remember the hike/ climb I did up there.


    It went up a mild grade to about 1,500 feet, great views, and virtually no crowds.


    There are some PETROGLYPHS, too which are marked on the trail map.


    I went up Camslback mtn.


    Ofcourse Iwas not prepared for a hike that day, Broke my sandals.


    Made it to the top anyway...I am a diehard.


    But ...well I mean it was not really like a wilderness hike.


    More of a climb up some steep parts and some or a lot of STEPS/STAIRS in other lower parts.


    I had to find someplace to ...u-know, uh get rid of some coffee.


    I saw a large opening in a rock, which seemed out of site, there were no people over there...As I was about to go over and do my business,. I realized why there were no people...It was the LARGEST BEE HIVE in that rocky Crag I have ever seen, and there was a constant thick stream of bees going in and out.


    OOOH FREAKY SCARY. So I did not like CAMELBACK TOO MUCH...


    At the white Tanks, on the Phx, side, I was hiking up the mountain hike trail, whatever the name is.


    I like/ love rocks...There was really not much more than Quartz and basalt around there.


    So I noticed a fairly large piece of quartz...not a great find, very common, but I thought I might get it for a memory piece.


    I picked it up, and I saw a SCORPION quickly crawl back into his hole...


    I guess he did not want to get stung by this SCORPIO...lol.


    I did leave him his piece of Quartz just as I found it.


    There are some nice trails out around Lake Pleasant too.


    Out there, just past the turn off for the main park about a mile or so after you get on the dirt road...you can find, if you are interested, CHALCEDONY ROSES. Basically little pieces of agate, coiled sort of in the shape of a rose, from about a 1/4 to 1/2 inch in diameter.


    I found some blue to to blue gray pieces, some slightly pink, like rose quartz, but mostly, milky to creamy white.


    Some were just like little droplets, which reminded me of PETRIFIED HAILSTONES.


    Well Have fun.


    I think you are very lucky to get to go to phx. this time of year.


    DJH


    If you have time for the drive Be sure and take the SCENIC way to SEDONA, go thru JEROME AZ. my FAVORITE city so far in AZ. at 5,500 feet, you have the most AWESOME VIEW of the SEDONA VALLEY.


    GO see Don King, and his Mule/ Donkey Jasper at the GOLD KING MINE.


    It only costs like $3.50 and there is a WHOLE GHOST TOWN you can tour, plus DON has over 300 VINTAGE VEHICLES, mostly big trucks and stuff like that. about 35 to 40% of his vehicles work/run.


    Plus one of my favorite attractions is a BEAUTIFUL SLAB of petrified wood, someone donated to Don, it is black, red, yellow...etc. and Don't tell don, but I was up above the Ghost town, and I found a spot loaded with well some Very Low grade Turquoise, and the MOTHER LODE...a piece of MALACHITE, green semi-precious gemstone...it weighed 2 and 1/2 pounds....


    Sorry for babbling.


    I think I miss AZ.


    DJH
    Phoenix. Try up around canyon lake. Then take the ferry boat tour.Has 200 foot cliffs straight up. Used to fish it a lot
    I would recommend:





    Squaw peak - there are a few trails in this area that range from super easy to moderate





    Camelback Mountain - There are two trails here, both are a bit tough but one is a bit of rock hopping, the other is just an all out use your arms climb.





    Pinnacle Peak (scottsdale) - This is a GORGEOUS hike for desert scenery and about 3.75 miles total. It is moderate but the scenery makes you forget you are hiking.





    McDowell Mountains - There are guided hikes here that take you into some beautiful areas of Scottsdale
    I'd highly recommend a drive down South Cental Ave. in Phoenix and into South Moutntain Park. Tons of great hiking trails throughout and there's a nearby Ranger Station with maps to give you some experienced suggestions for your day hikes. Plenty of varied AZ dessert terrain, easy parking and their many trails are well maintained year round.

    Please offer advice on potty training a boy. be specific>?

    It depends on how old he is. If he is little I've heard that you should sit him on the potty to pee and teach him to push his penis down toward the water so it doesn't get every where. I've also seen it suggested that you sit him on the potty backwards with him straddling the potty to pee. If he's older and tall enough to pee standing up I've heard that you can put fruit loops in the potty to give him something to aim at when he pees. I don't think teaching a boy to poop on the potty is any different than girls and I haven't seen any special advice for it. I've been doing research in this myself, but my son isn't quite ready to be potty trained so I haven't tried any of these things. Other than that, just be consistent and praise him a lot when he does go. Good Luck!

    I am currently working as a Medical Assistant who wants to enroll at a LVN program. Any advice?

    My long term goal is to work as a LVN then after two years continue to RN. I have thought about it for a year now and all this thinking got me stuck for not enrolling yet. Should I go for the Rn right away? Is there any LVN's here who can tell me how they like their job. Anyone who went to Mission College at Santa Clara, CA?I am currently working as a Medical Assistant who wants to enroll at a LVN program. Any advice?
    I worked with Mission College LVN students helping teach them to give shots, we did flu shots..@ the local hospital..where I worked.{this was many years ago as I retired from nursing 10 years ago} If you can go a few more months to get your R.N then do it, I think LVN is 18 mo. and R.N. is 24 months, unless you want your B.S. @ SJ State, and then do your nurse Practitioner or a specialty such as ER, ICU, CCU, etc eventually a 2 year R.N. will be the LVN of the future and LVNs will be obsolete. I guess it really comes down to how long you want to go to school and how much credit you get toward your R.N. with a LVN license.
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